Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Coming Day

Out there, where my dreams pretend, reality is erased. There I begin. Moving forward slowly – a kitten learning about my eyes – I venture into the night and listen to the voice of the stars; whispering ever faster that a new dawn will appear.

I reinvent my being, sighting something rising – a hesitant light defining a form… The fear in my sighs echoes from entering a world remembered by pain and loss. Still, it sustains me: dreams of woman, home, kiss, me. The unforeseen. Intentions famished in needing now. All inventions embellished and cautious in the light’s first touch.

Under weight of that, I approach the fountain – sweet and filling – aware of the all reality surrounding my new moment. Puzzled in the presence of she, my idiot inner child paralyzes me. My anxious desire misinterprets me. So I build better terror, banish hope, consider calm soul or frenzy, and get nowhere. Shuddering fantasy: woman is evaporating me in the heat of her smile. Waving.

Thus I burn to howl. Howl. The barrier between what is and what will be denies me. I can sense the possibility, but lack the magic to penetrate and cross over. Thus I masturbate with magazines, suffer premonitions, and lose myself to visions that continually fill my night… Light. Chance. Crying for hope. Faith for a connection. Interrogating her sight, glance, wave, hello. Fire in my new conscience: judge, victim, awe. All three scream. How can I appeal now? I am my own accuser. Should this new dawn appear, what will I see? Petitions, allegations, fears, and desire consume me. Useless. Useless to close my eyes and hold on to the time love hurt: ludicrous to assume that pain will revisit. Still I fragment. Hoping the next she will companion and help recreate me. My mood for commitment – bread and water – builds in me. Hungry for the sun. Love in her sighs and mine. To touch. Better consciousness. A present where past and future burn in the moment: everything whispering toward eternity.

Out there, where reality fades, I learn to care. I convinced me that if the light finds me – if her eyes consume me – I will try to be. Best I can. Woman, my contrary, my compliment; will shower my thunder as the moments climb… The ruins of me reconstructed in the dominion of unity. Love.

And in this beginning, I set down words – considering them and exploring me for the coming day.

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“Are you listening?”

“and I think Stella…”

 

He knew he should listen,

But all he managed

Was a small prayer

That his eyes would stay open.

 

She hadn’t touched her soda.

She ate one french fry.

He guessed that was good,

But she only moved

Her hamburger around.

 

“…and Carl laughed…”

 

He had to check in

Once in a while.

This was her choice

For dinner.

Every dinner choice was.

Same for movies.

All she did was talk.

One more reason

To avoid talk of marriage.

He didn’t know

How to tell her

No.

 

So he finished his burger,

Drank some soda,

And prayed that migraines

Could kill…

 

… and Danielle told me…”

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